Creating Hope Out of Your Depression
Posted: 03/04/2013 00:00
When I told people I was going to go around the country and talk
to dozens of people about their depression, the common response was
"Oh, that sounds really depressing." But it was actually the opposite.
The remarkable courage and creativity that people - dealing with
depression and striving to get better - demonstrated, showed me the
human spirit at its best. The people I talked to welcomed me into their
homes and told me their stories of their
road to hell and back.
Let me tell you now, negative attitudes to depression - or any mental
health problem for that matter - make no sense to me. One in four of us
will experience a mental health problem in any given year. Gone are the
days of hopelessness, although you may well feel hopeless in the depths
of your depression.
Depression tends to lift in time, and people find
ways to get better. Your recovery is about trying to build a meaningful
life, as you see it, regardless of enduring difficulties you may face.
No one else walks in your shoes. So ultimately, no one knows what is
best for you. Whatever we as professionals say,
the stories you tell
about yourself and your depression will create or cut off possibilities.
Depression is supremely isolating and frequently terrifying. One
mother said of her depression, "I couldn't feel anything [for my
family]... It was like being inside a very, very thick balloon, and no
matter how hard I pushed out, [the balloon] would just push me back in."
Not to mention the negative thoughts, and the irritability that comes
with it. Racing minds, "zooming into miserable places." For some,
depression led to a kind of suicide logic, as if a kind of spell
over-took them. You felt at times that there was "no point wading
through this s***', and the 'world would be a better place' without you.
But fortunately, you hung on. Something happened to break that spell
and when you felt better, you realised that your depression was lying to
you.
With experience, many people found a way of relating to depression
differently.
You are not your depression. Some finally got angry with
it, and treated depression like an intruder. Some saw depression as a
visitor with an important message you had been ignoring. Regardless, you
stopped equating depression with yourself.
You talked about the tools of the trade. Despite all the myths in the
media, many (but not all) said that antidepressants worked. Some of you
felt even more authentic on medication. One woman told me it was
"exactly seven weeks to the day that I took... the first tablet. I woke
up that morning and I just knew that inside myself that I felt
different... I began to laugh out loud again and, and that it was from
inside, it wasn't just a sort of superficial laugh, it was a sort of
deep inside laughing." You also said other approaches worked too (e.g.
exercise), but its horses for courses (see
Blue Pages for details).
An awful lot of you said that talking about depression - with
counsellors, others suffering the same issues, or
curious friends who
really listened without offering solutions - is crucial for gaining
support and awareness. As one person said: "It was a big relief to have
someone who I could tell anything I wanted." Some people needed to
process childhood pains "that hadn't been processed properly". Some came
to realise they had learnt to be actors in their own lives: "I could
wake up and feel s***, I could drag myself through the day feeling
s***... [But] I could get out there and sparkle!"
Talking about it, you discovered you were not the failure you thought
you were.
You challenged your distorted thinking, grieved for your
losses, befriended the real you, and many times felt better for it.
While you feared that depression might happen again, you realised it
could be better managed. One lovely man in his 70s said to me he felt
'joyful' at rock bottom, because he knew things could only get better.
You rewrote your own story in various ways, so rather than being the
enemy, perhaps depression was the wake-up call you needed (e.g. for
over-work, always putting yourself last, needing to live more
authentically). Or was it all part of your spiritual journey? Or c
ould
it be that you have positive qualities that are not yet recognised
because of your narrow view of yourself?
I understand, it is frightening to move past depression "...to
actually take life as it is... dust myself off... it's scary" and
finding better ways to deal with depression 'takes discovery and it
takes courage and it takes persistence and energy,' as one woman told
me. So, while getting better is sometimes spontaneous, it can take work
in the long run.
But there is so much help available now. Don't forget that your GP is
often a first port of call, and can help with medication as well as
finding therapy and support groups. There are organisations like the
Samaritans and
Depression Alliance ready to help you too. Above all else, there is hope.